Monday, April 12, 2010

a weekend of really deep thoughts

This picture is the day I took him to MEPS and he left for basic training. It is hard to think that he left almost 6 months ago. I keep trying to think positively but one of my classes is trying to get me more "in touch" with my emotions and i realized I AM A WRECK! I have to make the decision everyday to choose to go on with my life without him being here and everyday i do that i push down my emotions that tell me to stay in bed all day and forget about school and work. my emotions are telling me to eat ice cream or take a hot bath because know one will care if i show up to class or not. My emotions are pretty negative I have to say. I am trying really hard to encourage everyone around me and be a strong shoulder but its hard because when i need a strong shoulder i dont see many people i could call at 1am besides my mom or waz.

If i keep going ill just get more and more negative so I am going to think about positive things. I went to IKEA and got the rest of our matching dishes yesterday and i was really excited to get new dishes for our new house. the other ones are pretty cheap and dont really hold up much to scratches and the dishwasher. I also went to church and heard an AMAZING message and it almost made me cry. Pastor Francis was talking about destiny and what do we think our future looks like, it was so perfect for me to hear. I have to make the decision to either trust God with my future and let him be in control or I can try to fight him for power and never win. I had a good long talk with God in the car on the way home and i decided i was going to help other people as much as i can. That very afternoon I signed up to be on the bone marrow registry and if anyone matches my type then i can give them bone marrow to save their life. I know it will be painful but I am really excited to do it, maybe it will show me how to live like others who are suffering.

night for now, 37 days until I am in my new home!

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